I had an extremely bad morning, obviously per my previous post. I was so psychotic that I ended up
making my husband come home from work to help me calm down. For the first
time since my fatigue problems really started last August I was honestly
grateful to feel "too tired". It was bad, but it would have been much
worse if I'd had any energy. I feel subdued and tired now, and also
weak... like my body's just gone through a traumatic experience. And it
makes me scared. For all my planning on how to take care of problems
like these... I felt completely stuck. I couldn't get out from beneath
the crazy, depressed feelings. Sometimes I truly feel like my husband is my
anchor. It took about 2 hours, but he stayed by my side and helped me
resurface from the screaming in my mind and the emotional pain. Now I'm sitting in bed taking it easy and listening to a carefully selected playlist of calm, uplifting music.
For
the first time ever I recognize that my fatigue might have been an
immense blessing in disguise this whole time.
It's like I have this twitching itch under my skin, but it's not really there, and I'm sad, and I'm crazy, and unggggggh...!%*#$@(%