The Time Is Drawing Near

I haven't felt particularly happy or especially depressed lately. My morning sickness has mostly ebbed. I'm still quite dizzy at times, but it's getting better, and I'm getting stronger. School for my five-year-old has kept me busy, and I haven't been able to dwell much on anything due to a severe case of brain fog. I turn twenty-seven in a month, so I'm just wondering what's going to happen. Like I'm sitting on the edge of an empty pool, wondering if it will be a little tub of water or a tumultuous ocean when it finally fills.

My mind is buzzing and suppressed with fatigue simultaneously. I mean, this is the first time I've tracked a Major Depressive Episode before it's occurred. Maybe it won't even happen. Maybe since I'm pregnant it will be put off. Maybe it will be so bad that I'll have to hospitalized for my own well-being. Maybe my time is up. I don't know whether I'm waiting in the eye of a hurricane or just expecting a storm from an unreliable meteorologist.

I'll know when it's coming. There are always some pretty obvious tells. I'll just keep living my life until it gets here.



Ocean pulls me close
And whispers in my ear
The destiny I've chose
All becoming clear
The currents have their say
The time is drawing near
Washes me away
Makes me disappear