No, really.

Yesterday was a pretty good day.
Today was...okay to decent.

Funny how a simple text from my husband (who has been at a coworker's house for 5+ hours playing Star Craft) saying he honestly doesn't know when he'll be home can ruin it all...

Oh, I just have an almost 3 month old baby.
Oh, and she still doesn't sleep through the night.
Oh, I still don't have any friends here.
Nope, no car to visit my sister.
I'm too boring for him to pick hanging out at home with me over hanging out with his friends. And I know it's the truth. I'm utterly boring and isolated. People have been nicer to me here than anywhere I've ever lived, but I still feel standoffish and awkward around everyone.

We used to be best friends, but clearly I'm just the mother of his children now.

Well, guess what, world? This is just about the time my loneliness "breaks". If I seem detached in the upcoming days/weeks/(months?) it will assuredly be because I'm finding solace in fantasy land.

Me. In bed all day. Listening to music with headphones. Escaping into a trance. Daydreaming so fervently that eventually it feels like the reality, and everything else feels like a haze.

I know I can't sink that deeply -- because of the kids, but still... I need to escape this world of embittered solitude somehow............

For if you go

Just because I'm not depressed doesn't mean I'm not miserable.

I feel unappreciated and unloved.

Manic has its Upsides

So, for the past five days I've had way more energy, no depressed feelings, and I've been able to clean for hours without getting tired. Coupled with a few days of PMS, all I've really had to deal with is a couple stretches of intense irritability and shedding hair (Maybe TMI, but whatever...). I suppose I did almost get in a car accident due to the idiot driver who tried (unsuccessfully) to do a u-turn in front of oncoming traffic and then proceeded to cut me off, but that's the only really impulsive thing I've done. I cuddled with my hubby...and I liked it! And I want to do it again!

Yep, in a battle of libido-crushing breastfeeding vs. manic/hyper-lust it seems to be a pretty even battle. Too bad my period freaking started! TMI I know, but this is my blog, and I'm not sorry!