Not a 4th Miscarriage!!

Yesterday I called a nurse and explained that I was sure I had miscarried but felt nauseous and was in pain. They set up an appointment for an hour later, and I zipped on over. I was emotional and couldn't stop crying. I explained everything that had happened to the nurse, and by some miracle the ultrasound technician just happened to have an opening without a separate appointment. I went over to that room, and she was just looking for leftover tissue, but instead she found two large ovarian cysts and a little bubble. When she zoomed into the bubble it turned out to be a baby.

A baby.

A BABY! And its little heart was beating, and I cried, "It-it's alive?!" Then I started crying all over again. No one could really explain the bleeding from before. I was told it could be from the cervix, subchorionic bleeding, or I miscarried a twin. All I know is, there is a living being depending on me, and I'm going to do all I can to save it.

4 Miscarriages

I had my fourth miscarriage last night. I was over 7 weeks along when it happened. It was easier than the last one, but it's completely messing up my emotions. I keep trying to throw myself into my hobbies to keep afloat, but it's there with the emotional and physical pain, taunting me. 4 miscarriages. 4 miscarriages. 4 miscarriages.

My life is a mess, but it's easier to pretend it's fine and carry on when most people don't know about it. Ignorance is only bliss when the ignorant is unaware of their ignorance.

I feel...so much.