Wanting to Take the Low Road...

I had a bad day. It's been such a good couple of weeks that this complete meltdown came as a surprise. I didn't want it, but I felt it coming anyway. My kids have been so clingy and my husband so exhausted from work that I felt like the stress was eating away at every fiber of sanity beneath my skin.

I craved retreat. I wanted to grab my headphones and hide in the dark of my room, but at the same time I didn't want to give in to it. I remembered what would happen when I went down that tunnel of despair, and while I yearned for an escape I had enough sense to cling to the fact that I didn't want to fight my way out of the darkness when reality set back in. It took hours last time to be myself again.

So I didn't take my tablet into my room and drown my unreasonable sorrows. My toddler begged to play a game on it, and I realized in a slight breath of clarity that I wouldn't be able to feed my pain if I let her play a game instead, so that's what I did.

I still yearn to give in to my emptiness... And I know that I can probably take care of it if I try to fill the void with uplifting things. .......................................... but do I really want to?

UPDATE: Yes, I want to. Gosh, I wish I could just snap out of it and realize how irrational I'm being at times like that. If only it were that easy. :-/