The first week I was a wreck hidden beneath a shell of indifference... my emotions going back an forth like a slingshot on the inside, but aloof and disconnected on the outside. The biggest clue that something was wrong was that I couldn't cry. I always cry.
Then I got sick for two weeks. Then the week after that I felt completely dead and emotionless - like the coldness on the outside seeped its way to the inside. I offered a last-ditch plea to God, telling him that I could hardly remember what love or happiness felt like, but that I knew somewhere inside that I didn't want to lose that goodness. I begged for help and felt like I should listen to some music. I listened to a couple uplifting songs, but when "He Hears Me" by Hilary Weeks came on the words seemed to pierce my soul, and I began to cry for the first time in weeks.
While this experience was excruciating for me it was equally taxing on my husband. I'm so grateful he stayed by my side. He's like a lifeline for me during these tough times, and I'm so euphorically happy that I can feel the love I have for him and my children again.
So, I do two things that help me so much! I don't cry often, but I've realized when I do I release a lot of stress, so every two weeks on my calendar I put "cry" and I watch a sad Youtube video and make myself cry. It's great and I feel so much better! Also, every single day I put "Laugh" on my calendar. Every day I either watch a funny video and laugh or sometimes I just make myself fake laugh if I don't have time to look for a video... and it totally works. I feel the endorphins kick in and I feel happy. Lol. Love you!
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