Letter to God

Dear God,

You remember me, don't you? I'm the girl who used to spend an hour sitting in the clover patch looking for that one four-leaf-clover. The girl who used to chase the boys around the playground, then tackle and kiss them. Well, I'm having some problems, Lord.

You see, my body isn't working right anymore. I've been trying to be normal and happy, but my brain just won't let me, and the truth is... I'm too tired to keep it up. I've tried so hard for so long to keep inching ahead, to be at the same level as my friends and family, but I keep getting pushed back to the starting line. And now, with this tidal wave of psychiatric problems, I don't even know even know where the starting line is anymore.

I've almost always tried to do the right thing. I've tried to be kind to others, and I always tried to make amends when I had hurt people's feelings. I've tried to be a good wife and mother. But all the while I'm being bombarded and plagued with physical ailments that prevent me from living a happy, healthy, normal life.

I kept hoping every time I tried a new medication, or started an exercise routine, or went on a family trip, or started spending more time outdoors that I'd finally turned a new leaf, that things were starting to get better.

But I'm all out of hope. I'm clinging for dear life to my last shreds of faith and feel utterly lost.

I'm lost, Lord. Please help me, or I'll never find my way home.

Cheryl