This Time, Two Years Ago

I wasn't always the crazy, ranting manic-depressed psycho girl you read about, and I won't always be. In about eighteen months I will probably be back to my quirky, normal self (hopefully sooner).

It just makes me think back and reflect on the last time I had zero emotional or physical problems. I felt fantastic, and life was full of promise. Ah, the days when I was 24...

Oh... and I was blonde. For roughly 6 months. It was fun... but ultimately too high maintenance for me.

My kids were 6 months old and 2 years old, and I was the cute, fun mom who looked pretty darn good for having 2 kids.

And we went camping, and hiking, and spent our time outdoors. It was the best.

Then one day I just got really tired. My whole body was exhausted. Was it because I'd started an intense workout program? ...Probably. Either way, I spent the next several months trying in vain to battle chronic fatigue, and I wasn't the fun mom and wife anymore, because my whole body was constantly pinned down by a heavy, weighted exhaustion.

By the time I began to recover from that I started having depressive episodes again. And I couldn't help but think... Really? Again? ...I'm so sick of being caged by irrational and unnatural emotions. I'm so tired of being tired.

But I suppose all I can do is hold on and wait it out. I don't want to let this trial conquer me. I want to be free.