Touch my own skin and hope that I'm still breathing...
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone
I think I've listened to Lights by Ellie Goulding nearly 500 times in the last two weeks... and I'm not exaggerating. When I get in the zone I really get in the zone.
So I'm taking Lithium now. I don't want to be treated differently, but I'm afraid that people who know what's wrong with me won't know what to do when they see me. I wonder if being bipolar means I still have major depressive disorder. It feels like they're separate things... Or maybe depressive episodes just go hand in hand with bipolar disorders.
I know I probably shouldn't have, but I felt guilty for having these disorders this morning. I found out that one of my family members went to the hospital in the middle of the night and another one no longer has a job. Those feel more real and tangible than just psychological issues, and I couldn't help but think to myself, "How dare you feel this way? People have real problems, and you just sit here, switching back and forth between a psycho and a zombie. You don't deserve sympathy..."
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| Disclaimer- Picture belongs to Allie Brosh @ Hyperbole and a Half |
It reminds me of a blog I follow called Hyperbole and a Half. Allie's last post was about depression, and she really gets it. I also worry about her, since she hasn't had a new post in a year.
At any rate I'm just sitting her holding on and hoping that this chaos inside of me will pass. I just want to be whole and happy. I just want to be me again.
Your pics are always awesome! I think most people are caught up in their own lives and struggles to take time out to judge you for yours. We all love you for who you are, not for who you aren't. We love YOU!
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